07
Apr
09

Stalked!

I have a gut feeling that I’m being stalked by a psy-ops agent. zOMG!!1! I believe my life is in grave danger!

Serious one lah! You think I’m joking ah?! Dayumm… wait lah, after I tell you what happened, you’ll know I dead serious one. S00000 serious, can die.

Sssshhhhh… *looks left and right cautiously*
*Whispers* I think that that psy-ops agent is living in the same house as I am. She’s pretending to be the maid of the house.

Eventhough she has that numb-skull-nutcase-self-deprecating laughter after she tries oh-so-hard to say something funny. She’s actually hiding behind a façade! She’s trying to make me let my guard down so that she can pounce when I’m at my most unsuspecting moment. [Repeat to self: must be extra aware!]

That cunning lady is like the witch queen that poisoned Snow White with that poison apple! 扮猪吃老虎 (Cantonese: ban jee sek lou fu)

There’s something she puts in the food that makes it unsafe for consumption. I’ve managed to find out that it is a kind of mineral (thanks to my food science background). And surprisingly, it’s widely available—it’s called Sodium Chloride! It doesn’t kill immediately. It causes chronic symptoms in the long run. Some of the major symptoms are hypertension and renal failure.

Sodium Chloride is not the only compound she uses. She also put in a lot of triacylglycerol (TAG) when cooking. Donch pray-pray with this stuff. It’s extremely potent, and the effects are just as horrible. And it makes the food tastes good so the victim actually doesn’t know what hit them until it’s too late! It increases the low-density lipoprotein in the blood, which subsequently deposits calcium plague on the artery walls.

Then “WHAM”… one fine day I’ll just have a terrible angina or half of my face becomes paralysed! And this TAG sh1t is especially dangerous on me. I’ve recently found out that I have a 0.4mm polyp in my gall bladder. A normal, healthy person would’ve easily emulsified TAG and get it through the system before it does more harm. I can’t do it fast enough… next thing I know—“WHAM!” I’ll be going through rigor mortis in a wooden box.

Sodium Chloride and Triglyceride have a synergistic effect. They are commonly used together to wreck havoc on another person’s life. Many times, the victim dies an agonizing & slow death. *Gulp!*

I also believe she is using the 2 above substance for another purpose. A more sinister and wicked motive—“psy-ops” a.k.a. brainwashing/psychological warfare. Because she found that her psyops isn’t working well on me, she used those substances to weaken my will so that I’ll eventually submit to her command.

Also, I’ve noticed that she’s been trying to plant some funny ideas into my mind! She tells me that I don’t have to wake up so early to go to work because the boss lives far-far away. Like, WTF?!

At first, I just do the left-ear-in-right-ear-out technique. Then it became more and more frequent, as if she’s trying to nail that concept into my brain with a sledgehammer. She also tried to stop me from going to the gym to exercise because she saw me training. She said that I am expending too much energy to lift weights (I told you she was stalking me! I’ll elaborate more in the next paragraph…).  Thank goodness I’m an angmoh sai (Hokkien: gwailoh sh1t=banana)… so my frequency of thoughts is different from hers. Making me semi-immuned to her attempts.

One day during dinner, she casually let slip that when she was taking a walk, she dropped by the gym to check me out! She even described how I was exercising! OMFFFFG! She is trying to put me off balance by suddenly telling me she’s observing. Make me paranoid, so that she doesn’t have to monitor my movements when she’s not around! [Must….. remain… *shivers*… calm……]

thePAranoiac

P.S. In case I become insane from all these substance overdose and brain-psycho stuff, please tell my family *sob.. sob.. sniff.. sniff* that I……
*Uh, here she comes, I gotta run…

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AAAaaarrrrrrrggghhh!!!!!! NOOO000000…….!!!!!!

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7 Responses to “Stalked!”


  1. 1 LCS
    April 8, 2009 at 4:43 pm

    Yea, come have some fun with grandma~

    Reminds me of a part in ‘Yes Man’… hahaha

  2. April 9, 2009 at 12:13 am

    zOMFFFFG! HeII no! HeII fxcking NO!!
    I’m not Yes Man. X^D

  3. April 9, 2009 at 8:36 am

    wooo sounds kinky :-p hahahaha

  4. April 15, 2009 at 2:35 am

    when I grow up, I wanna work at Hooters. wheeee!

  5. April 22, 2009 at 11:28 am

    CS can die a happy man!

  6. 6 ZiLing
    May 25, 2009 at 10:38 am

    OMFG ! ! My dear bro is in danger.. Let me come save you..

  7. June 5, 2009 at 2:58 pm

    OMG hi yuanwu. i think we went to ST TT together before riiiiiiiiiiight. hope you remember moi. i’ll be stalking ya. ;)


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Twitter of a Cereal Killer

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iamyuanwu’s fitness

Simplefit Level 6 day 3 = 14min 12s (12 Sep, Fri)

Hundred Pushups = Week 3 day 3 (13 Sep, Tue)

Stronglift 5x5 = temporary hiatus. Someone help me kick start plz, I mustn't waste the free Fitnesss First membership!

BN/UMN0 pisses me off!


Sep 05 BN MPs go 'study tour' to prevent them from jumping ship. X^D Stupiak tactic.
Sep 04 DrM 老马's seditious blog post <--click) inciting Malays to go amok. Told you DrM is evil.
Aug 29 Ahmad Ismail called me a bl00dy pendatang & do not deserve equal treatment. WTF?!

Lies... Damned lies... and Statistics

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