Christmas Party Report

The party was a BLAST!

Thanks to all the people who made it.

Before the report begins, I’d just like to make a special thanks to the following people… whom without them, “The Most Awesome Maw-some Christmas Party… Ever!” would only be a ‘blip blast’, not a ‘WHAM-BAM-KABOOM BLAST!’.

Boon Kwang, my sister’s boyfriend — for lending me the BBQ set and helped set the fire,
Pan — who came all the way from Ipoh to help buy the food stuff and set the fire and char the food and clean the house and…and…and……
Arthur — who prevented the chicken from turning into charcoal. Talking about Arthur… all my form six friends ‘lepas kapal terbang’ on me. Arthur was basically bored to to the core. Sorry dude, others either couldn’t make it or didn’t want to come for all sorts of sh!t @ss reasons,
BJ — for helping me clean up my home when everyone has left (because you need a ride home from me, heh heh!),
Kitty & May Zee — for helping me with the gift exchange session,
Schvonne, Ee Leen, Aw Yong — for taking the time to dress up and make up, and looking absolutely fantabulous!

Now, back to the report…
People started to arrive at 8 o’clock. More and more came. There were altogether about 100 people. I didn’t do a head count, but from the number of gifts we received (there were 95) the number is close. The party was a mumbo jumbo for me. I had no idea what was going on at all times. No more mumbo jumbo party for everyone next time, heh heh. Buat aku pening aje!

Schvonne mentioned to me that the mat salleh trainees didn’t come because of a non-smoking rule I imposed. Are you so addicted to cigarettes that you’d rather smoke than come to a party. Can’t you not smoke for one night?! I think I’ll follow up with an article about smoking. Oh, Schvonne also said that my blog, with all the profanities and expletives and harsh language, scared off the trainees & some prospective leng lui-s. Well… well… my friends would gladly vouch that as much as this blog is me, it also NOT me! Get it? Heh heh!

The macaroni and tomato sauce was a sellout. Went down the throat as soon as it was out of the stove. For the ignorant, I prepared the macaroni and tomato sauce myself. Please don’t look at my with a weird look when I tell you I know how to cook proper meals. I cook my family dinner all the time, OK?!

The BBQ, however, was a little ‘bleh’. Thanks to the generous use of coal, most of the food stuff got charred. The banana leaves on the otak-otak caught flame and turned it into ‘bahan api’ instead of ‘makanan’.

Gift exchange started at half past ten. Nobody was listening to me. Tried to have people to come up and take gifts pun susah. It was pretty kelam kabut. Why, you guys don’t like gifts is it? Next time I’ll have you guys bring RM50 gifts instead. Barulah you guys will be more gaan jiong and berebut-rebut a bit. In the end, I have Kitty to thank. You saved me all the trouble of distributing the gifts. You have no idea how grateful I am, no matter how insignificant you think your help was. If anyone needs a party planner, call her up.

The last guy left when the clock stroke 12. And the host (me) lives happily ever after….

THE END.

Yours Sincerely,
the HOst.

P.S. No photos. I forgot about it, was too busy hosting and cooking and preventing a fire…

More Spin on Toll Hike

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Click here for map and info of “The Most Awesome Maw-some Christmas Party… Ever!”
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Did you notice that the news papers did not carry any news with regards to the toll hike in KL? Instead, there’s a huge photo (about 2/3 of the front page) showing people trying to rescue a Bryde’s whale in Pulau Gaya. Thanks to Najib.

From The Star (16 Dec)…

Abdullah said the people must be able to use other approaches to reduce expenses and take measures to control inflation.

Ah… how predictable, Pak Lah. You basically mean “change lifestyle” lah.
BTW, I can’t help but wonder… how are we, normal citizens with limited resources, able to “take measures to control inflation”? I thought it is Bank Negara(which is gahmen)’s job to control inflation?

“If we don’t have to use cars. we can use buses. We have to balance all these for the benefit of the people,” [Pak Lah] said.

I have no idea what on earth Pak Lah is talking about the “balance all these for the benefit of the people”. Is he referring to the RM600 million that he promised for UMNO members had to be balanced by reducing toll subsidy? Read more here and here for an column by Kim Quek.

BTW, those highway companies are owned by UMNO or UMNO members, some ways or another through the many privatisation projects (as observed by Ronnie Liu). Do you know what the UMNO is up to now?! I’m sure you guys are smart enough to come up with the conclusions.

Yours Sincerely,
the DRiver.

Pak Lah Talking to Himself

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From The Star (16 Dec)….

Political parties have to practise self-restraint when raising issues that may create unhappiness among the country’s multi-racial populace.

That was during the general assembly of PPP. Our dear PM seems to be talking about his own party. Amazing ain’t it, when you can tell other parties to practise self-restraint but your own party doesn’t have to. Pak Lah you F*CKING HYPOCRITE!!

Now, check this out…

The green light for this outburst was given by UMNO President and Prime Minister himself, Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi at the Pre-Council Meeting a day earlier. Delegates were told that the chinese community was trying to undermine the malay community by creating demands and the best thing would be to show the ‘malay feelings’ which will keep them in place. Delegates concentrated on attacking the chinese with fiery speeches which now has turn-out to be seditious in nature.

Speeches like ‘will bathe in blood to uphold malay rights’ were all endorsed by the UMNO Supreme Council, since speeches and speakers had to received their approval before doing so.

Quoted from a recent article by Mohd Kamal Abdullah (read the article “Why Attack The Chinese Community, UMNOPutra’s Untold Story” here)

The last time when UMNO did it, you just kept quiet. The members would not have said those things if you didn’t allow it in the first place. Then you tried to redeem the situation by pretending to be moderate in your concluding speech. After that, your stupid son-in-law — Khairy wrote an article in NST and said that it is normal in UMNO General Assembly that members become crazy.

What more, when the police decide to investigate the matter since UMNO members clearly violated the Sedition Act, your party told the police f*ck off because it was an “internal matter”. And pretended to investigate, then conveniently forget about it.

I pity MCA and Gerakan for being part of BN. Good luck to you guys in coming General Elections!

If it were up to me (of course, I don’t think it would ever happen)… I’d get out of the BN coalition, turn MCA into a multi racial party, campaign on my own, then form new coalition with whoever treats us with respect. BN will never give MCA the respect you guys deserve when all you do is to behave like immigrants. As long as MCA remains a Chinese-immigrant party, everyone is still going to treat you like an immigrant. Time to wise up, don’t you think?

Yours Sincerely,
the MAlaysian.

20-60% Toll Hike

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Click here for map and info of “The Most Awesome Maw-some Christmas Party… Ever!”
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Check this out, fellas.

It’s toll hike for Kay Ell-ians! Nik Nazmi couldn’t believe it with election being so near.

From Reuters (13 Dec)……

“The new rates take effect on Jan. 1,” the source, who declined to be identified, told Reuters. “That’s our New Year present.”

New Year present from the gahmen we so happily voted for! Are you happy?

Works Minister S. Samy Vellu said recently the government would have to fork out 2 billion ringgit ($565 million) in compensation to five highway operators if toll rates were not revised.

And

“The real toll is 2.10 ringgit, so the government is still subsidising 50 sen for each user,” the source said.

Yeah, whatever.
I’ve learned not to believe any figure our gahmen provide. What 2.10 Ringgit and 2 billion!? It’s probably another twisted figure calculated using obscure formulas (remember the percentage of Malay equity drama involving Dr Lim from ASLI? In fact, gahmen still has not disclosed the formula it used to calculate their figure!).

Government officials told the briefing that one reason for the shortfall in toll collection was due to motorists switching to alternative non-toll roads, the source said.

Look, gahmen. The last few times petrol naik, you told us to change life style. So, we change lifestyle lah! When we drive, we take the road without toll. This is one of the many ways to change lifestyle, no? Now, you tell us this!
People, please learn from your mistakes. When the gahmen says change lifestyle, don’t change your driving habit also. If you want lower toll rates, please use the heavily tolled highways more to increase their toll collection. (Sarcasm added)

Then our ‘gaan1 chan2’ (evil/sinister character in Cantonese) Deputy PM did this (from MalaysiaKini)……

The editors of all newspapers and television stations have been told not to play up the impending increase in toll hike on five highways, at a hush-hush briefing chaired by deputy prime minister Najib Abdul Razak yesterday.

Dude, WTF?!
The gahmen is trying to hide things from us.

And here’s what good ol’ Samy Vellu has to say in an interview(check it out here)……

Malaysia’s Plus highway (RM0.136 per km),
Philippines (RM0.355), Thailand (RM0.227), China (RM0.276) and Indonesia (RM0.148).

Here’s a reply from a guy from Thailand……

SAC, a Thailand-based Screenshots reader wrote [to Jeff Ooi] this:

I’ve been staying in Thailand for 9 years and there are NO tolls on Thai HIGHWAYS. The tolls are only in Bangkok metropolitan areas and there-abouts. You can drive from Bukit Kayu Hitam to Bangkok without paying one Baht, so Samy Vellu making a comparison with Thailand is telling only half the story.

NO TOLL ON THAI HIGHWAYS! Can you f*cking believe this? Samy Vellu is lying (seperti biasa)! And our gahmen is ripping us off, man. Who ask us to be so stupid and vote for them?! Now we suffer lor. After that, our children suffer some more lor. Then we probably wouldn’t have any grand children, since every smart people would have gone extinct (pupus 绝种) in Malaysia. (Can you here the sinister/’gaan1 chan2′ laughter of Najib and Hishammudin?)

Yours Sincerely,
the DRiver.

A State of Mentality: Chinese Frustration!

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Click here for map and info of “The Most Awesome Maw-some Christmas Party… Ever!”
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I’m going to start off by swearing and cursing and dissing the Chinese in Malaysia.
D*mn you! F*ck you! Eat shite you! Go shove a durian up your bloody arse!
You guys are the bane/headache/curse/nightmare of party planners! I’m not going to apologise for all the expletives directed at you!

Allow me to narrow my definition of “Chinese” for the purpose of this article. As of now until the end of this article only, “Chinese” will refer to people (mostly of the Chinese ethnicity) who studied in Chinese primary school e.g. SRJK (C), who then studied in national type secondary school e.g. those of SM Abu Bakar, SM Taman Mantap and the like OR Chinese based secondary school e.g. those of SM Yoke Heng, SM Tiong Hua and the like.

“They” generally speak Madarin and broken English with various degree of pariah-ness. Then “they” tease those who can’t speak Madarin. And the weirdest/ludicrous/imbecilic bit is that “they” scoff at those who speak good English. Let me shove a little humility up “your” ignorant ass. Those who can’t speak Mandarin, can’t speak Mandarin because they didn’t have the opportunity to learn Mandarin at school. “You”, on the other hand, had been learning English since year 3, and you still cannot utter a coherent sentence in English. And “you” don’t even care to take the effort to improve “yourselves”.

What’s my problem, you ask me.

Well, some of my friends belong to this category. But not all of them are like what I described. Sometimes, their behaviours/antics are irritating because I can’t read their minds. So I just shrug it off as individual differences and continue to buat lawak bodoh. But “they” sometimes exhibit small, niggling behaviors that seriously piss me off. Read: SERIOUSLY PISS ME OFF!

One such antic is that “they” don’t reply to invitations. Or worse, “they” reply with f*cked up answers like ‘see how lah (看下先)’, ‘I should be free gua’, ‘see who are coming first’, ‘if he come, I come’. What the f*cking h*ll are these god d*mn replies?! [You guys don’t understand what does “RSVP” mean is it?!] “You” think the door is always open for “you” after I invited “you”?! “You” think “you” feel like coming, then “you” come; don’t feel like coming, then “you” don’t come. Or are “you” waiting for better options, then go to the one with more fun. In the mean time, “you” tell me ‘see how lah’ just in case “you” have no other plans. “You” are taking it for granted, selfish little bastards!

Is it too difficult to give a simple and direct reply e.g. ‘OK I’ll come’, ‘I can’t confirm now, let you know on xxxxxx’, ‘sorry, can’t make it’. ‘See how lah (看下先)’ has got to be the most-most-most-most-most-most-most-most-most f*ck up reply. I abso-f*cking-lutely hate/repulse/detest/abhor/loathe/despise it. And I abso-f*cking-lutely hate/repulse/detest/abhor/loathe/despise the person who says it. People who say it all the time are inconsiderate, irresponsible and manipulative.

Yours Sincerely,
the “CHinese”

P.S. I’ve graciously and painstakingly included links to dictionary.com onto words that I *know is beyond “your” comprehension. Click on those words and learn ’em up. I should probably come up with a Mandarin translation too, in case “you” just can’t understand this article.

World Greatest Dad. No… really.

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Click here for map and info of “The Most Awesome Maw-some Christmas Party… Ever!”
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You have got to watch this video. It is on The I’m Perfect Mom‘s blog. It originated from an email, probably from the United States.

I watched the video. I tried to tahan my tears. I couldn’t tahan my tears. I cried… well, in a manly sort of way. This is the line that made the tear real…

“The thing I’d most like,” Rick types, “is that my dad sit in the chair and I push him once.”

Before you watch the 4 minute video…

Eighty-five times he’s pushed his disabled son, Rick, 26.2 miles in Marathons. Eight times he’s not only pushed him 26.2 miles in a wheelchair but also towed him 2.4 miles in a dinghy while swimming and pedaled him 112 miles in a seat on the handlebars–all in the same day.

Dick’s also pulled him cross-country skiing, taken him on his back mountain climbing and once hauled him across the U.S. On a bike. Makes taking your son bowling look a little lame, right?

And what has Rick done for his father? Not much–except save his life.

This love story began in Winchester, Mass. , 43 years ago, when Rick was strangled by the umbilical cord during birth, leaving him brain-damaged and unable to control his limbs.

“He’ll be a vegetable the rest of his life,” Dick says doctors told him and his wife, Judy, when Rick was nine months old. “Put him in an institution”.

But the Hoyts weren’t buying it. They noticed the way Rick’s eyes followed them around the room. When Rick was 11 they took him to the Engineering department at Tufts University and asked if there was anything to help the boy communicate. “No way,” Dick says he wastold. “There’s nothing going on in his brain.”

“Tell him a joke,” Dick countered. They did. Rick laughed. Turns out a lot was going on in his brain. Rigged up with a computer that allowed him to control the cursor by touching a switch with the side of his head, Rick was finally able to communicate. First words? “Go Bruins!” And after a high school classmate was paralyzed in an accident and the school organized a charity run for him, Rick pecked out, “Dad, I want to do that.”

Yeah, right. How was Dick, a self-described “porker’’ who never ran more than a mile at a time, going to push his son five miles? Still, he tried. “Then it was me who was handicapped,” Dick says. “I was sore for two weeks.”

That day changed Rick’s life. “Dad,” he typed, “When we were running, it felt like I wasn’t disabled anymore!”

And that sentence changed Dick’s life. He became obsessed with giving Rick that feeling as often as he could. He got into such hard-belly shape that he and Rick were ready to try the 1979 Boston Marathon.

“No way,” Dick was told by a race official. The Hoyts weren’t quite a single runner, and they weren’t quite a wheelchair competitor. For a few years Dick and Rick just joined the massive field and ran anyway, then they found a way to get into the race officially: In 1983 they ran another marathon so fast they made the qualifying time for Boston the following year.

Then somebody said, “Hey, Dick, why not a triathlon?”

How’s a guy who never learned to swim and hadn’t ridden a bike since he was six going to haul his 110-pound kid through a triathlon? Still, Dick tried.

Now they’ve done 212 triathlons, including four grueling 15-hour Ironmans in Hawaii. It must be a buzzkill to be a 25-year-old stud getting passed by an old guy towing a grown man in a dinghy, don’t you think?

Hey, Dick, why not see how you’d do on your own? “No way,” he says. Dick does it purely for “the awesome feeling” he gets seeing Rick with a cantaloupe smile as they run, swim and ride together.

This year, at ages 65 and 43, Dick and Rick finished their 24th Boston Marathon, in 5,083rd place out of more than 20,000 starters. Their best time? Two hours, 40 minutes in 1992–only 35 minutes off the world record, which, in case you don’t keep track of these things, happens to be held by a guy who was not pushing another man in a wheelchair at the time.

“No question about it,” Rick types. “My dad is the Father of the Century.”

And Dick got something else out of all this too. Two years ago he had a mild heart attack during a race. Doctors found that one of his arteries was 95% clogged. “If you hadn’t been in such great shape,” one doctor told him, “you probably would’ve died 15 years ago.” So, in a way, Dick and Rick saved each other’s life.

Rick, who has his own apartment (he gets home care) and works in Boston, and Dick, retired from the military and living in Holland, Mass. , always find ways to be together. They give speeches around the country and compete in some backbreaking race every weekend, including this Father’s Day.

That night, Rick will buy his dad dinner, but the thing he really wants to give him is a gift he can never buy.

“The thing I’d most like,” Rick types, “is that my dad sit in the chair and I push him once.”

Now watch the video. And have a tissue box nearby.
[ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4B-r8KJhlE ]

The Most Awesome Maw-some Christmas Party… Ever!

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UPDATE (14 Dec): Public transport to my home: Take the STAR LRT to Bandar Tun Razak station (Sri Petaling line). Get a cab/taxi. Should be around RM2. If you are such a cheapakste, call me [zero-one-two 3200 983] and I’ll try(no promises) to have someone pick you up.
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UPDATE (14 Dec): Some one requested that I put up a picture of myself here. For whatever weird-ass reasons, I don’t know. And I don’t want to know. So here you go…

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UPDATE (13 Dec): Lots of people has neglected to reply my SMS invitation. I figure it might has something to do with their terrijiber-horrijiber-vegetable Ingerish.
RSVP = répondez s’il vous plaît [French]. It means PLEASE F*CKING REPLY!
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UPDATE (10 Dec): Put off/postpone/cancel whatever you have on that night and come! Confirmed amount up ’til now is about 70 people. It’s going to be FUN FUN FUN! Come on people, you don’t want to be lame and miss the fun, do you? DO YOU?!
If you rasa a bit malu-malu, bring your friends/bf/gf along! (How difficult is sending me an e-mail/leaving me a message anyway?).
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I’ve been spreading the rumour of “The Most Awesome Maw-some Christmas Party… Ever!” (here onwards referred as “TMAMCPE!”) a few weeks back. Well… well… It’s a rumour no more! It’s the first party I’ve ever hosted.

Before that, some house rule:
– No smoking at all! Not indoors, not outdoors, not anywhere near my house.
If you are desperate, you can inhale the BBQ smoke OR walk 20 minutes into the forest behind my house and smoke all you want; Make sure you chew on some leaves and grass on your way back to get rid of the ciggy smell.
– No shoes after the main gate. I’ll clean the front yard so you can sit on the floor — not enough chairs (there’s only about 30).
– The toilet flush is broken. Learn to flush it the ‘Yong family way’. I’ll put instructions in the toilet.
– If you see my grandma and parents, say something nice about me. Say hello and chit-chat with them.

Here’s all you need to know about TMAMCPE!:

– TMAMCPE! starts at 8 o’clock at night, on Saturday the 23rd of December, year 2006. Gift exchange session at about 10 o’clock. TMAMCPE! will be a BBQ party with some pasta and the food/drinks you guys bring.

– RSVP your attendence before 18th, SMS/call me (oldMaxis:three-two-zero-zero-nine-eight-three) OR e-mail me ( iamyuanwu [di] hotmail [titik] com ) OR leave a message in the comment box with your real name.
Invitation extends to my friends’ friends and all the hot & gorgeous ladies out there. I need to know the number (and names too) of friends that are coming with you. Make sure they bring gifts too.
*If you don’t RSVP and still come, you are required sponsor 10 Ringgit to TMAMCPE!

– Please bring some food, drinks, finger foods to share: sausages, meat balls, agar-agar, jelly, curry, koniyaku, roast chicken wings, kuih-muih, KFC, chocolate/cheese/home-made cakes, satay, alcoholic drinks… whatever. (Do let me know what food you will bring).

– Everyone MUST wear something related to Christmas — violators will be punished! Girls/ladies are encouraged the wear skirts/dress.

– Gift about RM10 for gift exchange. Get creative with the gifts, don’t all come with photo frames!
We will be drawing numbers for all participants. The person with number 1 picks the gift first and opens it, the next person gets to choose either the opened gift, granting the 1st person to re-choose a gift from the pack, or pick another unopened package from the pile. I’ve never done it before, but it’ll be interesting.

You can come early to help prepare or stay back a bit to clean up.
If you have any ideas/suggestions for the TMAMCPE!, drop me a message in the comments. It’s my first time after all (Oi, jangan fikir bukan-bukan!).

MAP
If you are lost, don’t call me at oldMaxis:three-two-zero-zero-nine-eight-three… go find a cliff and dive into it. :-p
*always, always look for the “Bandar Tun Razak” sign.

*Click the picture, then print it out with your office laser printer.

Yours Sincerely,
the PArtyPlanner.